Crazy cool? Not so much:

 "Standard" is the word that first came to mind upon exiting last week’s preview screening of The Crazies. Though there is little wrong with the film, it could hardly be called a resounding success. Unfortunately for director Breck Eisner, the film’s lack of faults does not equate merit, especially in attempting to remake the work of horror legend George A. Romero’s 1973 film of the same name. So average and predictable is the movie that the author of this review feels genuinely marginalized by the easy accessibility of online movie trailers, and feels compelled to insert “Spoiler Alert!” before mentioning these three phrases: zombie run amok, vague government conspiracy and romantic subplot. Whoops!

 

The Crazies is Eisner’s second directorial effort, the first being 2005’s utterly forgettable Sahara, which starred Matthew McConaughey and Penelope Cruz. Eisner’s mail-it-in style of directing would probably have doomed the entire endeavor if it weren’t for the convincing but slightly better than average performances of lead actors Timothy Olyphant and Radha Mitchell. Olyphant, who also appeared in the most recent installment of the Live Free or Die Hard series, plays David Dutton, the young but stoic sheriff who is determined to save the town. Mitchell, now practically a genre staple, having appeared in other horror shticks such as Silent Hill and Chronicles of Riddick, appears as Judy Dutton, the town doctor and wife of David Dutton.

 

The film rolls along at arather slow pace, apparently encumbered by the weight of its own mediocrity.Set in the small town of Ogden Marsh, Iowa, the action of The Crazies begins with the town drunk stumbling onto the field of a local high school baseball game … with a shotgun. Sheriff Dutton is forced to subdue the old lush, but when the autopsy report reveals that his blood alcohol level was 0.0, general befuddlement ensues. Doctor Dutton treats some generically strange cases as well and dramatic tension rises. What on earth could be the cause of all this, well, craziness? Why, nothing more than a misplaced biological weapon (manufactured by the US government, no less) that has contaminated a local river, which is coincidentally the town’s water supply. Soon the military intervenes at the behest of some vague governmental agency and forcibly quarantines the town. Sheriff Dutton nobly escapes with his trusty Deputy Russell (Joe Anderson of Across The Universe fame) to rescue his wife, Doctor Dutton. Dr. Dutton has been wrongly separated from her husband due to her elevated temperature (which is not a result of any infection, but her pregnancy. Oh no, not more emotional investment. I can’t take it.)

 

After about 60 minutes of zombie killing, zombie evasion and various zombie-related antics, the vaguely nefarious governmental agency intervenes yet again and drops some sort of non-specific bomb on the town in order to eradicate the rapidly spreading infection. Luckily, David and Judy Dutton have narrowly escaped with their lives. The film concludes with a shot of thecouplewalking through a field on the edge of town, garbed comically in sweaters from the local truck stop. Unfortunately,inthe last scene, the Duttons are spotted escaping the town by what could only be a government satellite. The “containment protocol” is re-initiated for the neighboring town, and the whole mess is sure to start again. Poor Iowa. Though Radha Mitchell revealed in the post-screening Q & A that there was no sequel currently in the works, one can only hope that Breck Eisner reprises his role as director in the inevitable follow-up.

 

Overall, the film neither succeeds nor fails, but functions as the passable genre film that Hollywood has sustained itself on since time immemorial.

 

2 out of 5 stars