I'm going to tell you a story.
A few years back my younger sister was exploring my grandma's lake house to find all the treasures that she left behind the summer before. She bounced out of one of the bedrooms, proud to show us a trophy of some sort: "Hey guys, look what I found!" Her face was beaming with excitement, which made it all the more amusing when - within seconds - that expression was wiped away and replaced with a look of terror and confusion. That's because everyone in the room screamed with disgust when they saw what was in her hand. And that's because she was holding a dead chipmunk - frozen stiff from rigor mortis. It was the first of three found that summer.
My friend and I sang our hearts out at karaoke and then we got booed off the stage. It was an excessively long boo - even the emcee didn't know how to stop it. We stayed around for one more song, though, because we didn't want it to seem like we left in shame.
During my first time at a hot spring (surrounded by naked old people), I slipped on a rock and landed in a shallow pool of boiling water.
I won first place at an awards ceremony once. No one clapped.
Last semester I walked into one of my classes only to discover that we were taking our first exam that day. I'm not sure how this one slipped by me, but I was under the impression that the test was months away. Without studying, I didn't have much prior knowledge to work with: The course was entirely about lead. Yes, as in the element Pb.
I wrote around 50 Missed Connections within the past few issues and don't have a single success story to boast.
While traveling for a few weeks, I was stuck with only one pair of worn jeans, which developed quite the sizeable hole in the tush. The thought of buying a new pair never occurred to me - all I needed was a needle and thread. I finally got a chance to sew them during a 48-hour stint at an airport. I tried to do it quickly, and somehow I managed to sew the two legs together near the crotch. That made it awkward to walk.
Every November my family drives three hours to East Peoria to watch a light parade ... don't ask questions, it's a tradition. One year we were getting ready to go when my mom noticed lice in my younger sibling's hair. Ugh. All our clothes had to be bagged, all the furniture had to be cleaned. But we still had a parade to get to! After hours of speedily disinfecting the house, we headed off to East Peoria and got there just in time to see the last float go by.
One Thursday at Moody's Pub, the bartender came up to my table and told me I had a phone call.
I tried to make a cloud once. When the temperature was bitterly cold this past winter, my friend and I dumped a giant pot of boiling water over my balcony, expecting it to form into a cloud right in front of our eyes ... After splashing all over the ground, there was at least a hell of a lot of steam.
Since I knew the carnival ride technician running the Moonbounce, my friends and I were let in to jump around even though we were nearly 10 years older than the limit. It collapsed. Children cried. I sat in pee.
This girl in fourth grade thought I was a witch.
I smuggled a puppy named Jack into the Phoenix office for the whole production week. My co-worker ate his asparagus stick.
Katie Drews is the editor-in-chief.
kdrews1@luc.edu
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