Don't be fooled by the competition - the Chicago Sun-Times and Chicago Tribune have a lot more in common than you might imagine. There's the blatant bankruptcy resemblance, with both newspapers succumbing to the economy and making every young journalist cry themselves to sleep. More notably, however, is the likeness of jackasses on each payroll.
The Sun-Times had Jay Mariotti - you know, the rat that resigned from the company after 17 years because he believes writing for a Web site "is what the future holds." It appears his ignorance rubbed off on other Chicago sportswriters before fleeing to the Internet.
Everyone, meet Rick Morrissey, the Tribune's own jackass.
The author of the sports column "In the wake of the news," Morrissey has a penchant for writing irrational stories that are comprised of even more irrational logic. Case in point: He wrote a column on Jan. 5 suggesting the Chicago Bulls immediately get rid of Joakim Noah. Fine. Everybody is entitled to an opinion. And in his defense, nobody expected Noah to have the career game he had Saturday against the Boston Celtics.
But instead of persuading the reader as to why, Morrissey wrote this piece of intellect: "The difference between [Larry] Hughes and the double-headed, inconsistent monster of Noah and [Tyrus] Thomas is that Hughes can play a little bit."
Hughes can play a little bit. Those six words will forever haunt me. Anyone who tells me Hughes "can play a little bit" is clearly blind and deaf … and a jackass.
In his two years in Chicago, Hughes shot less than 40 percent from the field, averaged nearly two turnovers per game and was a constant pain in the ass to the organization.
But I put that incident behind me.
Over the course of the next three months, I believed Morrissey was … maturing. I thought he was finally coming of age and gaining a sense of sports knowledge. Then the Chicago Bears traded for Jay Cutler a few weeks ago, and idiocy reemerged in Morrissey.
"If Jay Cutler doesn't raise red flags, Bears fans, you are color blind," he began his April 3 column. "From all appearances and indications, he has the maturity level of larva." Oh Rick, haven't you ever been taught not to judge a book by its cover? Those are some bold words coming from a columnist who has spent his last 12 years in Chicago. After reading reports from the Denver Post, a newspaper that actually covers the Denver Broncos, it appears to me Cutler simply didn't feel comfortable in Denver and asked for a trade. If being unhappy with an organization means having "the maturity level of larva," then Rick, I don't want to know your feelings on Terrell Owens, Adam Jones and Randy Moss.
He wasn't done there, though. "When it comes to throwing yourself at the Next Big Thing, Chicago is no different than any other city," Morrissey wrote. "Fans couldn't wait for Rex Grossman to get a chance. Then they couldn't wait for Orton to get a chance. Remember all the gushing over Orton last season until he hurt his ankle? And now fans can't wait for somebody else."
Is this dunce serious? Fans can't wait for Cutler because he's coming off a Pro Bowl season in which he threw for more than 4,526 yards and 25 touchdowns! Neither Grossman nor Orton has come close to recording those kinds of numbers. He is single-handedly going to revamp the Bears' offense and finally make offensive coordinator Ron Turner earn a paycheck.
Dare I say Cutler is the most talented quarterback Chicago has possessed since Jim McMahon, who wasn't even that skilled?
Morrissey was apparently so upset with the trade that he felt the need to write not one, but two columns on it. After insulting Cutler's character the first go-round, his column on April 5 focused on Cutler's inability to succeed without talented receivers:
"Can we agree that Cutler could use a lot of help?" he asked. "Wouldn't it be wonderful if we - pitchforkers and mere innocents alike - could reach common ground on the need for real, live receivers in Bears uniforms?"
Granted, the Bears are in dire need of some skilled receivers. But as Muhsin Muhammad in Chicago and Moss in Oakland found out, a talented receiver is valueless without a quarterback who can throw him the ball. Besides, isn't Chicago the place "where receivers go to die?"
Is it unfair of me to blame the decline of newspapers on the growing trend of lackluster journalism? Perhaps. But I'm certain everybody, especially the industry, would be better off without it.
I get it, Rick. Controversy, like sex, sells. You want to be that guy who, if the Cutler experiment fails, can walk with his head held high and say, "I told you so." But wouldn't you sleep better at night if you provided your readers with informative columns rather than ones that turn them away?
We already dealt with one Mariotti. We don't want to deal with another.
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