Ladies, I feel for you. When it comes to sports, your thoughts, feelings, concerns, opinions, beliefs and participation always seem to be shunned by the guys. The cause for this preposterous way of life is unknown, but I have decided to bring an end to it once and for all by … cue dramatic music … choosing a women's basketball game as a game of the week! Now before you yell in anguish, light this issue on fire and throw it in the garbage, allow me to paint you a vivid picture of how women's basketball is just as exciting and riveting as men's.
Speaking of painting, I recently caught an episode of Bob Ross' hit TV show, The Joy of Painting. Ross' gentle, soothing voice while teaching aspiring artists how to paint "happy trees" in front of his easel almost inspired me to grow out an afro as perfect as his. It's a shame that his life had to end so soon. But don't despair Bob Ross fans: A video game is currently in production that will "focus on the art of painting, based on Ross' Joy of Painting series." And who said video games are a cause of violence?
Over the weekend, I had the opportunity to replay one of my favorite video games of all-time, Mike Tyson's Punch-Out. As a little Polish boy full of spunk and charisma, I would dodge upper-cuts left and right until I reached the dream fight against Mike Tyson. However, my continuous 13-0 records meant nothing as time after time Tyson reigned supreme, handing me and, more importantly, "Little Mac," the humiliating game-over screen. Even 10 years later, I …
Oh, I'm sorry. It appears I have digressed so much that I have no room to paint you that vivid picture of women's basketball. Damn. Honestly, I don't think I've even heard of any women's basketball news since Don Imus's infamous words last year. The one thing that I DO know is that even though Pat Summitt looks hella bad in a cheerleader's outfit, her Lady Vols always seem to kick ass. I'm sure Tennessee plays sometime this week against some random team, so I'll give them the automatic win.
Tenn. 90, Random team 65
Sports Editor Dimitri Burikas is confused, but he knows that Candace Parker can dunk. What are the odds a random women's team has a player who can dunk?
Tenn. 143, Random team 0
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